Friday, October 18

Losing and Finding Me

Occasionally I get so wrapped up in the person others think I am (or should be) and lose myself in the process...then it takes forever to find me again!

While I was in school my high school teacher (who was also an aunt) dogged me about becoming a teacher until I was nearly sure that was exactly what I was supposed to be and even started making plans to attend college just for that.But, it never felt right. So, I skipped college and got a job and a car and a cell phone (they were all the (new) rage back then).

Eventually, I did go to school to become a massage therapist, which was nearly by accident - but that's another story all together.

When I was working on my English degree over 6+ years ago (nope, still not finished with it either) I actually had another student ask if I going to be a nurse or radiologist because I looked like some one who should be studying something in Biology or Health related. It made me wonder if that's what I was supposed to be doing...

...then I had a baby so I was off on a break.

Many moons later, I was waiting in Wal-mart, for a really long time, and the lady behind the service desk asked if I was a teacher or a nurse because I just gave off those kinds of vibes. I explained that I was a  mother of two and a massage therapist and I really can't remember if that was a satisfactory answer or not because I was busy pondering the whole nursing/teaching demeanor I seem to radiate.

And all during this time I was excruciatingly aware that my massage license is only that - a license, not a degree. Somehow, it makes it less valid as a career; despite building a business, sustaining a regular clientele list, subcontracting other MT's, and eventually having it as my only source of income.

But, once I feel inefficient it nags me worse than an unsatisfied wife!

So, I felt the need to research a degree, any degree, that would boost my massage license into any semblance of intelligence and positive career choice.

Besides, I suddenly found myself affiliated with a school that could possibly have a teaching position available...and isn't that what I wanted all along? Only, they prefer employees to have at least an associates degree.

See, a license does not a solid career make!

Once again, I was carting around texts, writing papers, studying...and working.

And, some writing. Only, it wasn't the kind of writing that brought me great pleasure. Sure, it piqued my interest as far as the body and all its simple yet complex design and how it all worked; but, no writing for pleasure. No poetry. No essays. No short stories. No blogging. Hell, I wasn't even reading anything that didn't have APA citing at the end. 

It was a great yet sad time in my schooling career (and boy have I made a career out of schooling!).

All that effort landed me that job I was working towards. Without the degree to boot!

Then it all went south!

Without disclosing a whole'lot of details, let's just skip to the end where I happily state I resigned an adjunct teaching position (that even figuring aprox $41 an hour it really wasn't worth driving 2hrs one way) and I decided to withdraw from the body/science type degree.

And, return to writing. Here. Maybe some poetry. On Wattpad. I'm even signed up to participate in NaNoWriMo.

I just might even return to college and finally get that English Degree I've been wanting!

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